Friday, 7 September 2012

Never Again: Nevermore

Nevermore
James Patterson

Rating: 2 (And I'm being nice!!)


Where to start, where to start? Let's start with Fang going all goo-goo eyed over Max's clone, Maya:


Then Max thinking "squirrel thoughts" about Dylan:

Maya dying and Fang thinking "shit she died, well I better go rejoin my old flock and suck up to Max":


Fang being all like "Max, I love you - this is about you and me":

Dylan being all:


This book isn't even about saving the world! Heck - it's a love triangle/teen drama with a dash of sci fi!! Who CARES about Fang's regrets?! Who CARES about Dylan's love issues?! Who CARES if Max can't pick between the two guys!

Because, dear readers, there are more than TWO GUYS ON THE WHOLE FREAKING PLANET!! When will the heroine just wake up and see "Hang on a sec. These guys are both stupid and I should find someone else!"

So the plot was all kind of:

- Max's POV: Whine about Fang and make Bambi eyes at Dylan
- Fang's POV: Feel all tingly when talking to Maya, but feel guilty about it 'cause of Max
- Dylan's POV: Max Max Max Max Max Max Max Max Max...
- Angel's POV: AHHHHHHHH!!! Someone HELP ME! Ooh, I can see the present as well as the future!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!
- HALT. Actual plot occurs. There is a 99% plan going on. Evil scientist stuff...AGAIN.
- Max's Pov: (see previous)
- Fang's POV: Maya dead so now speaks 'gruffly' and makes 'intense gaze' stuff at Max
- Dylan's POV: (see previous) + Shit I hate Fang why can't he go die in a hole?!
- Angel's POV: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
- Mention plot briefly
- Max's POV: (see both previous mentions)
- Fang's POV: ...
- Dylan's POV: ...
- Angel's POV: AHHHHHHH- oh, forget it!

And so on.

And at ANY POINT did it mention that Max had grey hair?

NO.

NADA.

Also...what is Nevermore? The book didn't even MENTION the WORD!!

ME NO COMPREHENDE!!!

This book had pained me. Greatly. I will now have to find a GOOD book and recover from this harrowing experience!

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