Saturday, 26 January 2013

Quick Review ~ Leaving Paradise by Simon Elkeles

Leaving Paradise (Leaving Paradise #1)
By Simon Elkeles

Rating: 4.7 

"When I look back down at my hand covering hers, I'm grateful she hasn't come to her senses and pulled away. 

As if she knows my thoughts, we both turn our hands at the same time so our hands are palm against palm...finger against finger. Her hand is dwarfed against mine. It makes her seem more delicate and petite than I'd realize. 

I feel a need to protect her and be her champion should she ever need one.

With a slight shift of my hand, I lace my fingers through hers.

I'm holding hands. 

With Maggie Armstrong."

You know your Monday night is going downhill when you're stuck weeping over a cliffhanger.

I mean, this is the last straw in the haystack. The last chocolate in the box. The icing on the cake. The hole in the piñata!

I get that there will be cliffhangers. What I don't get is why only I ever seemed to be constantly plagued by them! Four out of five times, a book I will pick up will go something like this:

Book: Introducing a delicious guy character with soulful eyes and a great sense of humour
Book: Ooh look - heroine with a backbone! 
Book: Her and the guy aren't getting along...obviously this means they are meant for each other!
Book: Insert awesome situations that make you wish you had this life
Book: *Spend several moments sniffling over your sad, lonely life*
Book: Break up and cry in the rain scene
Book: Stop listening to Taylor Swift on repeat and watch as they mope for days
Book: Back together again! Par-tay!
Book: Things are looking good
Book: They may even become a couple
Book: He told her he loves her!! *throws confetti*
Book: But hang on...
Book: Wait-
Book: And she's going to tell him she - oh, wait, he's leaving. Sike!
Book: Acknowledgements (where the author will proceed to shower you with the number of dogs they have, a bunch of adjectives describing their editing staff and the name of their favourite chocolate brand).

Dear authors - us readers hate cliffhangers!

I mean, have you ever met one reader that thanked an author for giving them a cliffhanger?! 

Cliffhangers are like smoking. Or parachuting without a parachute. 

They cause the following things:
- Heart palpitations
- Sobbing
- Crying
- Pain
- Sniffling
- Pain
- Swooning
- Incoherent screaming (e.g. "OH THE FEELS!", "WHY?!", "WHAT IS THIS?!")
- Throwing of objects and people

- The capitalisation of words
- Incoherent ranting- Pain
- More pain
- Endless pain

So yep. 

I have finished my rant. 

You may now leave...wiser and stronger! (And most likely weirded out XD)

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